10 Ways to Use Facebook for Increasing Web Traffic to Your Site
Deepak Dutta asked:
More than 115 million people login to Facebook every month. It is the largest social networking tool and a great place in the web for building your brand and driving traffic to your site. However, if you are not familiar with the viral techniques that work in the Facebook platform, soon you will find your brand tarnished. You can gain quick exposure to your businesses using the techniques discussed in this article.
1. Build a Facebook network. Before you start implementing any of the techniques discussed here, you need to develop a network of Facebook friends. To do that, join a few groups that are related to your business and a few groups that you are passionate about.
Ask people in the groups to add you as their friend. Facebook also has nifty tool that suggest people you would like to know. Send request to these people to add you as their friend. Send a short note explaining why you want to be their friend. If send 20 requests a day, you will have a network of more than 1,000 friends in two months.
2. Update your status every day. Login every day and update your status. Don’t use status messages like “I am sleeping now”, “Just came from work”. These types of status messages are not interesting. Use quotes from famous people about a specific niche, for example love, dedication, work ethics, peace, war, etc. You can also use jokes. Your aim is to draw people’s attention to your messages so that they would click on your profile to know more about you.
3. Wish birthday wishes everyday. Facebook also shows upcoming birthdays of all friends in your network. Every day send birthday wishes to friends whose birthdays are due. Read their profiles to know more about them and write a nice personal message on their walls. Don’t use canned birthday messages for everybody.
When you write on a friend’s wall in Facebook, everybody in the network gets updated news feed. You need to write something that get attention. You may craft a 10 to 20 attention grabbing birthday messages and than personalize them slightly for each friend.
4. Create a business page. Besides your personal page, you should also create a business page. Creating a business page is similar to creating a personal page in Facebook. Design a nice logo and use it for your business page picture.
Next, become a fan of your business page. You can use your business page to launch targeted Facebook ad campaign. Promote your Facebook business page using blogs, blog comments, etc. and ask people to become a fan of your business. Use some promotional materials, like free t-shirts, free eBooks etc as incentives for becoming a fan.
5. Tag promotional photos using friends’ names. Upload all promotional photos to your business page. Some people tag these photos with the names of their most influential friends in the network. Your promotional photos will show up in your friends’ news feeds. Once you setup a network of friends, make a list of friends with high number of friends, preferably more than 1000. Setup your mini network to tag each others names in promotional photos.
6. Change your relationship status regularly if it is possible. One of the least frequent activity in Facebook is changing the relationship. Because people don’t change their relationship frequently, Facebook places a great deal of importance to relationship change and send the news feeds to everybody in your network whenever there is a change in your relationship status.
People have explored this loop hole to attract attention to their profiles. They change their relationship almost weekly and try to attract visitors to their profiles. It is up to you to adopt this technique because it may not reflect your true relationship status. If you do adopt this technique, don’t forget to publish some promotional materials in your personal feed.
7. Attend Multiple Events. True to its college root, Facebook is all about friends gathering at some place for an event. Facebook gives high priority to events in the news feed. Your goal is to RSVP all the events in your network even if you miss a few of them.
When your friends see you as a frequent event attendee, they consider you as an event resource. The trick is to show your name in all the places you can. As your friends see your name multiple times, some will be curious to check your profile.
8. Import your blog post. If you have a blog, import your blog’s RSS feed into Facebook. Facebook will publish the articles in the feed as Facebook notes automatically. Encourage your friends to comments on your articles in Facebook notes. You can also tag friends in the articles but don’t overdo it.
9. Post comments on popular groups. Visit popular Facebook groups that you have joined regularly and post comments. Just like blog comments or forum posting, Facebook comments on popular groups will attract attention to your name and profile. Add something valuable or post a link that adds value to the topic under discussions.
10. Start your own events. Events are very popular in Facebook and if you can promote it properly, it will have viral effects and thousands will register for the event. Send invitation to your network friends who have thousands of friends in their networks and also to attractive female friends in your network who may not have a large number of friends.
A Few Dating Tips For Highschoolers
My Relationship Tips asked:
High school days are those times when you go gallivanting to different worlds, trying out different things and testing your boundaries. This happens in all aspects of your life, be it in your education, your family life and your love life.
And because this is the trial period of dating so to speak, things can be pretty awkward and confusing the first few tries. And even when you get the hang of it, there will be times when you would like to just pull your hair in utter frustration.
High school dating tip #1
Desperation is uncool
A lot of teenagers think that just because nobody has asked them out or that they don’t have a steady yet, it is the end of the world as they see it. Society, being the culprit, has encouraged the perception that single people have something unsavory about them. Remember that you are just starting out. High school dating is a time of taking it slow. There really is no hurry. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it especially in engaging in sexual relationships, then don’t. It is wiser and better to wait and have your first time with someone that you really feel a deep connection with. And for sure, you will meet lots of guys in high school, in college and after.
High school dating tip #2
Be the gentleman/gentlewoman
Whether in high school, college or even after school, respect and courtesy is important. One of the primary high school dating rule is to accord respect to others as you would want others to give you. This includes respecting their decisions and not enforcing your will onto them. Know your limits whether in cracking a dirty joke or touching a person. Some people are very sensitive. Be careful lest you invade another person’s personal space.
High school dating tip #3
Don’t make it your world
Remember that you are in high school to study and to learn about life. High school dating is just one part of that world that you are starting to discover. Set your priorities straight. There are things that you should be placing more importance on.
High school dating tip #4
Get involved
One way to meet people and high school dating “mates” is to join organizations and be actively involved in school activities and events. This will not only allow you to get to know a lot of people but will also showcase and at the same time develop your talents and enhance your confidence, something that you need to be successful in high school dating.
High school dating tip #5
Be safe.
Believing that you are not safe may be a negative thought but from the hundreds of cases of teenage violence and teenage pregnancy, it is perhaps better to err in the side of caution. Being safe does not mean that you will forgo with the whole high school dating thing. You can be safe while still having the time of your life dating people you like in high school. One dating tip is to be on the look out for suspicious actions and suspicious people. If you are meeting someone for the first time, make sure that you are meeting in a public place where you can be safe in the company of a lot of people. Also, never accept food or drinks from people that you do know. The food may be laced with drugs that can make you fall asleep.
Vultures Circling on US Auto Makers – Game Plan to Destroy United Auto Workers
Anil Selarka asked:
Wall Street vultures and reserved equity? still have it. Help and encouraged by the senators, Republicans and their media campaign with the well-designed and ready to cause death in the United States' most large employer – General Motors, Ford and Chrysler. The vultures are interested in causing intentional failures so that all the equity? owned and options? UAW by those respective companies turn value without the responsibility? dell'cassa pension be avoided are whole or in part, the benefits of term be reduced substantially for want of funds and companies to removing their responsibility? statutory approval of the court to be bought is near the top of the bankruptcy court for a song. Officials from the FEDERATION, the Ministry of the Treasury, the office of the president and guests of the Senate by Republican Party mainly to prepare for the events of United Airlines, the Worldcom, Bethlehem Steel and most recently Lehman Brothers, all of whom have been allowed to fail detriment of all its workers and employees. Destroy United Auto Workers. . REASON, all these companies were partly or majority owned? by employees or workers who use the act as "eyeshore" Pollone to brokers on Wall Street and private equity firms? predator. The courts of the United States also favors predators. Also awarded to those companies vultures refusing to leave the company wound up compulsorily, but cosegnando the bond or debenture allowing the entire equity cushion? Office, so that employees are not left with no power without money. The whole system ***** – from money (& the FEDERATION; amp? King, The Ministry of the Treasury) to political (senators and representatives), the executive branch (president) on the arm judiciary (courts) – all? corrupted by cunning shoots on Wall Street who use the resources provided – in print or television. The day in and out, tuned in to CNBC, the NBC to Fox News, the CBS or CNN or read the Wall Street Journal, Barrons, Business Week, Forbes all praise such actions in the name of saving and ' implementation of cost reductions. Even today, claims are made – why? Lehman Brothers were allowed to come to miss? Why? not Merrill Lynch, Bear Stearns, Morgan Stanley, or even Goldman Sachs? What? cos? common in a rest of four and only in Lehman Brothers? The answer? LHB had spent the majority of property. Employees or workers are treated as a throw diapers in the United States, whatever be the external façade to describe it, it happened to United Airlines until the recent past. Why? United Airlines? were allowed to come and miss? been placed in bankruptcy court – why? was on a majority of property? by employees. All their shareholdings have been reduced to zero by the bankruptcy court and awarded the company with debt that media have deliberately bought the debts in order to exercise control. The time saving of life of all employees? was lost immediately as the homes destroyed in California wild fires. The media have been due to the new conditions for fairness? reduce to the maximum and all ordinary shares in the past to zero. If the company was still valid, the question arises why? uA the non? been prepared on the auction block by public invitation to tender or open perch? was not sold by the party to achieve the best value? ? property stocks? by employees were reduced to zero and the stocks were allocated to support debt in exchange for debt rose to about $ 49 as recently as a few cents. Ci? ? the practice of American capitalism, where the rights of the workers are abused legally complete with the blessings of the Federation, Ministry of the Treasury, the President, senators, representatives and the courts until the Supreme Court.All in the name of free enterprise, freedom?, capitalism, efficiency of capital markets and similar names and adjectives. new names, phrases and synonyms from Roget nvent 'lexicon of Wall Street Brokers s the cheers and Jeers to the loss of other People' s JobsWhenever a company merges or is taken over by the predator, the ads are made to remove thousands of employees in the name of your practices and cost reduction in profits. Walls of the mediators Steet by Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, the baruffe of Smith, Merrill Lynch, UBS and all gi? the line, and applaud these movements begin to suggest their stock shot up from 10% – 50% in some days. While thousands of dismissed employees living sleepless nights? sobbing till dawn encounter as mortgages or lines of their kids,? brokers and investment banks on Wall Street ******* continue to celebrate in high profile parties striking glass of champagne or wine with the shouts of "cheers." Grooves are interviewed about how popular the Bloomberg or CNBC Anchors by joyfully on their fronts. We could not show more? more brazen. Read each taking the direction of the past or in the mega merger, you will find the same gimmics continuously. Condemi the Brokers and Wall Street investment bank at Guantanamo Bay
A Simple Man (A Poem)
I’m sure I can’t remember where, but some
Where in my simple life I found the key
That unlocked the door of the jungle around me.
Back then, the Lord and I, walked side by side,
Up and down that old path, a dirt alleyway!
I would sing, and hum, in the snow and rain
That circled over my head, on the way to school;
But then He disappear; growing up was done.
I was a simple boy; those walks were all I knew
No dog, no father, just mom, Mike and grandpa;
A hamster that looked at me, a turtle and poems
(I started writing them at twelve-years old).
Today I’m sixty-years old, can’t sleep all that well
Yesterday I tried to talk to the Lord again, just
Like I did way back when; my voice, words
A bit rumbled? But then, I’m now a simple man.
Commentary on the Simple Man: No: 2012, October 7, 2007. I’ve learned in life, God takes the simple things and stupid as they may be at times, and he loves them. He hears them weep as children, and swear as adults, and somewhere in-between, He gives them keys to open certain doors (if they are willing; He even embarrasses the smart and strong and arrogant with the simple), and yes, he keeps coming around, to see if the simple spider stooping has floundered into the empty air, and become a lovely, butterfly. When we are young, simple and innocent, it is different than when we are adults, simple and likened to a dragon.
But I’ve learned being simple can be appealing to the Lord, you know he made us as we are. It is best we do not forget who we are, perhaps tuck it away now and then, if it is too much to swallow, but learn to live with it. Some folks laugh the simple-ness of other folks, it is not wise to do so, lest the Lord remind you, who you really are (and bring you back down off your high horse). I have learned if you love God, and trust Him, and the odds are against you, He can even them up, if you take the opportunities He throws your way, and wait, prepare. Once I waited for ten years, but it was worth waiting for, I had to prepare, be available, willing and usable.
A Simple Life, a Complicated Man: Finding Balance with Red Snow Fence
Cahuenga Press has just released Red Snow Fence by Harry E. Northup (Cahuenga is a cooperative press and Red Snow Fence is the 15th book they have published since their inception in 1989). The collection includes poems written from October 2002 through September 2005.
As I read Northup’s poetry I would have felt like a voyeur were it not apparent that Northup’s generous heart was inviting me into his private conversations about poetry, film and love, those most universal and thus most intimate themes. This is the delicate balance of Red Snow Fence, that tilted structure that holds the cold, harsh realities of the world at bay in order to allow us to live in a protected place. Artists like Harry E. Northup, gifted and yet generous with his gift, embody that structure. A constant theme in the book is his quest for a listening, open community of souls, willing to participate in a shared exchange as in past periphery:
communion requires depth,
mystery, respect, a listening to one
another
As I read and listened to his day-to-day life with his wife (poet Holly Prado) and his cats and his work, I could not help but weep at the simplicity, at the clarity of love, of passion and compassion that he embodies – just a man writing in the middle of the night with a cat on his lap and wife sleeping in the next room as in the night:
the night has always been a friend
& i am with cats, my wife sleeps
& i write, no longer alone
The book also chronicles his trials and triumphs as a working actor in Hollywood and in that world of material rewards, Northup reminds us that while some find only modest success and most grow bitter, there is something more important at stake in the reason heart:
& in 2 or 3 are there caring and comfort
& in most a desire to work, an uncaring
for films & directors i hold dear& in hemmingway was the theme
of continuing life with grace & dignity
even though physical damage &
damage to the psyche has taken place& the spiritual pain has an inner
indefinable reason to hope
& it is why i read & why i write
While the first two thirds of the book is grounded in the physical daily realities, the last third of Red Snow Fence takes us on a journey of night visions which seem to me to be part memory, part premonition. I was struck by the beauty in these abstract images and in awe of an artist who could go from the basic reality of everyday world to the surreal terror and hope and spiritual soaring of these poems. In particular, I responded to recluse of light, perhaps because the visions reminded me of my North Dakota roots, so similar to the earlier images of Northup’s native Nebraska:
seclusion, green valley & then a
rolling disc, giant wheels turn
golden wheat, grain elevator, moon
full & golden also, an eye above a
dark ship, pushing in the darkness
For me, it felt like passing memory but also spiritual awakening. Truth is buried deep within our subconscious and waiting for us just beyond our imagination at one and the same time. The simple truth is that Red Snow Fence by Harry E. Northup has deeply affected this reader and writer of poetry and will resonate with me for a very long time.
Stress Management – Attack Your Mid-Day Slump in 5 Easy Steps
Every morning I’m raring to go – my hair is bouncy, make up perfect, clothes crisp and comfortable. I’m energetic and pulled together, ready for whatever comes. By mid-afternoon, however, I often seem to run out of energy. I’ve become a shadow of my bright and peppy morning self. My hair is limp (or sticking straight up), and my makeup has faded into dark smears around my eyes. I feel like my clothes are sagging and wrinkled and my shoes are pinching. I’ve got caffeine withdrawal or jitters, depending on how much diet soda I’ve had that day, and if I ate a low calorie lunch I’m famished; if I ate a high calorie lunch I’m stuffed and sluggish.
I call this state The Slump. While it often hits me mid-afternoon it can also hit under other conditions, like when I haven’t gotten enough sleep or I’m under stress. One of the most dangerous aspects of The Slump is that it often results in a lack of focus resulting in accidents or mistakes. In addition, The Slump can bring about overly emotional reactions or a burst of unwarranted temper.
When I worked for a big company there was no recovery time built into my schedule – I usually just powered through my 3:00 Slump until the end of the day. When I arrived home I was exhausted, famished, cranky and in a totally disconnected state that typically lasted throughout the evening.
Now that I’m in the world of coaching, I’m learning how to take better care of myself and one of the most powerful things I’ve learned is the value of countering The Slump with The Check-In. A Check-In is just that – it’s checking in with your body, emotions and stress level to identify what’s needed to bring you back to full power and energy.
Here’s how to do a Check-In:
- Start a Check-In when you notice that your energy or attention is fading. The first step is to stop what you’re doing, close your eyes, relax and take a few deep breaths.
- Take a mental inventory of your body – how do you feel? Are you tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Does anything hurt? Is anything uncomfortable?
- Take an inventory of your emotional state – are you angry? Upset? Overwhelmed? What are your emotions telling you?
- Next ask yourself the question “What do I need?” While I love this question, I’ve noticed that it makes some people uncomfortable. I’m asking you to suspend any feelings of discomfort that come up and take the question seriously. Really seriously. And don’t limit your noticing to your physical self, sometimes actions that address how we feel emotionally are what we really need for renewal.
- Next, do what you can do to address your needs. What we need tends to fall into two categories:
Quick Fixes – Quick fixes, such as taking a walk, touching base with a loved one, or getting drink of water, are often all we need to restore our energy. And don’t stop at one, we often need a couple of Quick Fixes when The Slump hits.
“Red Flag” Items – Red Flag items show up when the answer to “What do I need?” is something major like needing a new job or resolving issues in a relationship. While a response like this feels like a joke (“What do I need? A new Job!”) it’s actually a signal that there is an area of your life that could use some work. Stop and figure out if there’s a first step that you can take now, or look into hiring a coach to help you get into action.
The result of doing Check In’s and addressing my Slumps is nothing short of miraculous. My energy and focus return to productive levels (I’m writing this at 5:00 pm!) and I still have the energy to enjoy my evenings. While it may feel silly at first, taking the time to check-in and ensure you have what you need is a wonderful gift to yourself.
Below is a list of possibilities for what you may need ot cure your Slump.
Possible Needs:
- Food – keep snacks light and healthy.
- Something to drink.
- Sleep – while most of us can’t take a nap in the middle of the day, sometimes a short rest with your eyes closed will give you the break you need. If you can take a nap and need one – take one!
- Connection with loved ones – call your spouse, friend, kids, etc. for a short chat.
- Sunshine/Nature – take a short walk outside.
- Calm-down time – sit with your eyes closed and focus on your breathing to calm down when you’re upset.
- Connection with a passion – look at a picture of your airplane, touch your hand knit sweater, draw a little picture – connect with something you love in a small way.
- Music – listen to it, sing, dance, write some!
- Grooming – wash your face, refresh your makeup, comb your hair, straighten your clothes, do whatever it takes to be comfortable.
- Escape – take some time to read or, if you can, watch some fun TV.
- Exercise – take a short walk, do some stretching or tai chi -whatever will get your blood moving again.
- What can you add to the list?
Itchy Bum Causes & Instant Relief Treatments – Scratch No More Solution to Cure Rectal Anal Itching
How embarrassing is that itchy bum moment. People tend to cope with these moments but when the bum itch lasts for what seems a lifetime leaving you know choice but to scratch away at your bottom then it is not acceptable, and especially more so for the people whose company you might be in at the time. If you scratch with vengeance then this indicates something is not right and unhealthy.
If you suffer from an itchy bum you are not to worry, it is not a serious condition. More embarrassing than anything. Rectal itching tends to happen more often throughout the night. We look towards warmth as one reason of anal itching because at this time the skin is easily irritated and open to inflammation. To help prevent itchiness the anus has to be kept clean. Anal skin is crinkly and traps faeces which have to be removed. The bottom is a part of the body that can at times become extremely sweaty and airless; it also moistens up from anal or vaginal discharge. These are factors that may contribute to your problem.
Try to avoid scratching, not only is it unhygienic but very dangerous indeed if you use an object with which to relieve the itch.
Be careful with what treatments you use as well because specific creams (oily) slime up the area more. Clean is the answer to this problem that is, if the itchy bum is not caused by infection. Leaking faeces cling to anal hair and therefore have to go. Faeces are made up of water (food that could not be digested,) and dead cells from the lining of the intestines and dead bacteria, all the solids that the body has no more call for. Poor hygiene is also a master cause of anal itching. To clean the anus needs no more than a mild soap and warm water and plenty of it if grime is ground in.
Scented toilet tissue and other bathroom products can cause problems. Some products contain alcohol or preservatives which can irritate upsetting anal skin. Speak to your GP about particular medications because certain creams used for treating this is actually known to start the problem. Be cautious about using anesthetic gels because most are ‘for treating haemorrhoids’ and contain lignocaine, tetracaine, cinchocaine, pramocaine or benzocaine with other ingredients. Nevertheless they do help with providing relief but not assured to keep the itch away.
Psoriasis and eczema are also issues connected to this condition if located around the anus. Piles are known for itch partly due to the greasy discharge they create. If the issue is that of piles then what you need to look out for are the symptoms like: pain after a bowel movement and a show of blood. The more severe case of piles might have you see a blood clot which can form in an outer pile which can also cause a stroke. If stools are bloody your GP may suggest you have a colonoscopy or rectal examination. This is where a camera is used to check for internal bleeding caused by polyps rather than piles. If bowel movements appear as black stools or there is an excessive gush of blood then seek treatment immediately. These particular symptoms are not what we expect from having hemorrhoids but more a matter in connection with internal bleeding or intestinal or colon cancer.
Fungal infections are reasons also for an itchy bum. Fungi love warmth and because of this we find it commonly located around the anus.
Thread worms (pin worms) measure about 13 mm long and locate in the lower part of the bowel. Female thread worms leave the anus in the dark hours and lay eggs on anal skin which can result in a severe bout of itching. If you scratch, the eggs can embed under the fingernails and then transported to the mouth infesting the gut. Particular foods we eat can also cause rectal itching. These foods irritate the anus during defecation. Alcohol and spicy curries is a couple to name.
Ways to prevent and anal itching
Wash and rinse the anus after opening your bowels using soap and water. Ask your GP about aqueous cream.
Keep your bottom dry and airy. Let the area breathe
Add a cup of salt to bath water.
Dust the anus with baby talc.
Avoid tight underwear. Avoid anything that keeps the buttocks tightened.
Do not use biological (enzyme) washing substances
Do not use Vaseline around the anus. Oily creams moisten the skin.
Witch hazel – Dab it on twice a day but if the problem worsens stop treatment.
Not sure of how much truth there is in this but it is said rubbing the inside of a banana skin on the area relieves anal itching. Seek advice before practicing with new treatments. Avoid foods that cause excessive flatulence. If your itching occurs primarily at night take antihistamine. Antihistamines although effectively help relieve itching it can also make you sleepy. If your condition is not improving it may be recommended you be referred to a specialist for an injection of a chemical called Methylene blue into the anal area. This problem can also derive from a yeast infection so try rubbing plain yogurt on the area for relief. An itchy bum is not a serious issue but if the itch is accompanied with blood then it has to be checked out.
Rectal bleeding (hematochezia) refers to passage of bright red blood from the bottom often combined with stool and/or blood clots. It is called rectal bleeding due to location i.e. the rectum lying immediately over the anus. Although bleeding may be presumed coming from the rectum, it can come from other parts of the gastrointestinal tract. Generally mild rectal bleeding can be evaluated and treated in the doctor`s surgery.
A sufferer with moderate bleeding will continually pass larger amounts of bright or dark red blood often combined with blood clots. Those with severe bleeding may pass numerous bowel movements or one bowel movement consisting of a large amount of blood. Moderate or severe rectal bleeding can rapidly deplete a person`s body of blood, resulting in weakness, dizziness, fainting, and signs of low blood pressure or orthostatic hypotension.
Not common but known, if bleeding is mighty severe it can cause shock from the loss of blood. If you experience something that concerns you then you are not to panic or ponder over it, go see your doctor so an appropriate prescription is given to treat your problem. it is only your doctor that has the diagnosis to what you may be suffering from and no one else. Some folk think they are doing well by offering their advice and suggesting different methods and solutions for you to use, when in fact what they have to say or recommend you do could possibly kill you.
How To Avoid A Midlife Crisis – Choose A Simple Life
The other day I happened upon an article on my MSN homepage titled “How To Have a Midlife Crisis,” by Hugh O’Neil. I invite you to read his article, as it is both enlightening and immensely entertaining. Then, just last night, our local news featured a story on the whole fact vs. myth of the dreaded midlife crisis. With so much media attention on this issue presently, plus the fact that I am staring 40 hard in the face, I couldn’t help but take a few moments to ponder how I might be affected by a midlife crisis. Yes, I realize that I am a woman, and the midlife crisis is typified as a “male” affliction. Nevertheless, the experts (whoever they are) agree that anyone, women included, can experience a midlife crisis. So, bear with me.
My immediate response was the disquieting recognition that several people I know who, like the men O’Neil characterized as suffering from the “midway heebie-jeebies,” are undoubtedly showing telltale signs of said affliction. I laughed heartily at his references to men in their 40’s who think that owning a Ferrari (or Jaguar, and you know who you are) will remedy all their midlife woes. I actually know men who have succumbed to that very notion. A wise woman once told me that middle-aged men who obsess over fast, noisy cars are somehow trying to compensate for their diminutive anatomy. How sad!
What truly struck me from both the article and the news report was that not everyone who experiences a midlife crisis is the worse for it. In fact, and I was ever so glad to hear this, many people, particularly women, find that midlife is one of the best times of their lives. Indeed, many women seem to revel in the changes they experience and admit that they feel stronger and more sure of themselves than ever before. Likewise, not all men go seeking extra-marital affairs, have creepy plastic surgery or give in to the hideous comb-over. Some men seem to become more gentile and distinguished as time marches on. What’s more, they are far less concerned about keeping up with the Joneses than younger men and feel no need to embellish the details of their lives, nor do they tout expensive jewelry or “stylin’ clothes’ as evidence of their purported success.
The underlying seminal factor for weathering the midlife storm with grace appears to be an inherent desire for what is real and meaningful, not perceived or contrived. Similarly, people who find at least some degree of contentment in their less than perfect lives are more accepting of the inevitable failures we all experience in life and seem better able to bounce back from times of tribulation. I have watched far too many narcissistic people fall apart when the superficial bubble of perfection they worked so hard to build bursts, leaving them shocked, angry and bitter. What’s worse, some of them lash out at the world determined to place blame wherever it will stick to avoid having to look within themselves for the root of their problems. It’s a shame, really, because if these same individuals would somehow find it within themselves to cast aside their overwhelming desire for attention and perfection and closely examine their lives as they really are, they would realize that what they have is more than acceptable. So what if you are bald, overweight and a member of the middle-class? Is that really all that defines us as human beings? For some, indeed, it does. Sadly, insecurity and envy are nearly always the driving force behind intolerance for the ordinary. Thus, those individuals who will never be satisfied being average or living a simple life will never escape the perpetual treadmill of craving. They will always run after more, bigger, faster and pricier things or, even worse, fabricate outrageous stories or exaggerate their experiences and successes to alleviate their supposed insignificance.
Personally, I think the Shakers had it right all along. They lived very simple lives and abhorred the opulence of modern society. That is not to say, however, that they were a backwards people. They were brilliant inventors and businesspeople and are credited for developing many of the necessary tools we use today, including furniture, brooms and washing machines. Nevertheless, they chose to live uncluttered, unpretentious lives. My family and I visited one of the still functioning Shaker villages in New Hampshire a few years ago. I was amazed to see such meager furnishings in the various dwelling houses. The Shakers took great pride in tidiness and efficiency. In fact, they are famous for their motto “a place for everything and everything in its place,” as well as for the celebrated song “Simple Gifts.” The Shakers were a deeply devout people, embracing with great fervor their rich, faith-filled culture and beliefs. They earned their name from their energetic and convulsive movements during their religious ceremonies. Sadly, the Shaker way of life is no more. All the brothers and sisters have passed on, leaving behind a legacy of honesty, simplicity, brotherhood and innovation. I somehow doubt that the Shakers ever experienced anything akin to a midlife crisis. They were too happily grounded in a simplistic yet fulfilling lifestyle. In my opinion, modern society could benefit tremendously from the lessons learned by the Shakers.
We truly are an overindulgent society obsessed with excess wealth, social status and superficial beauty. No wonder, then, that so many people self-implode when they crest the midlife hill and collide headlong into the brutal reality that they failed to achieve all the unrealistic goals they imposed on themselves in their 20’s. I must sheepishly admit that I, too, once subscribed to the notion that success was measured in terms of material possessions, one’s professional title and the enormity of one’s mortgage. I was just another rat in an endless maze, putting on airs so I could hobnob with the socially elite. Then a series of unexpected events in my life helped me to see how truly pointless those efforts were.
Now, I focus more on the things that really matter – my health, my family, my spiritual and community values and pursuing my true passions in life despite the disapproval of others. I have never been preoccupied with looks or fashion. One look in my closet will certainly confirm that. Even in high school when all the other girls were getting up at 5 a.m. to fix their hair, I chose to sleep as long as I could before getting out of bed. Oh, and by the way, I have a head full of prematurely gray hair. I used to color it because I was embarrassed by it. Not anymore. It is what it is. I don’t wear much, if any, makeup. I own a grand total of 5 pairs of shoes and 2 purses (none of which cost me more than $20). Anyone who knows me at all will agree that I tell it like it is, and what you see is what you get from me. I have no hidden agenda, nor do I put on airs to impress people. I could care less about owning expensive cars or a vast estate. I wear very little jewelry other than my wedding ring. My favorite outfit consists of a well-worn pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Our home is average sized with modest and comfortable furnishings. That’s just me. I like simple things. I enjoy watching a beautiful sunset. I love reading the paper on Sunday mornings. I look forward to movie and game night at home, especially when my husband and kids help me make a savory dish straight from the Food Network. I enjoy watching our Boston Terrier, curled in a ball with one paw on my leg, snooze on the couch beside me as I write. I love to hike and camp with my family and go kayaking with my daughter. I love to be creative and spontaneous. I love photography and writing. I find peace and higher meaning when trekking through the mountains or in the desert. I will never be rich, nor do I wish to be. I will never look like Cindy Crawford, much to my dismay. I value compassion, kindness and generosity. In fact, I have been repeatedly told that I do too much for people and have difficulty saying “no.” And, as already established in a previous post, I am a sap (or, as I prefer to call it, a highly sensitive person). I like to get things done right and must admit that I am not exactly noted for being the most patient person, though I am working on that. I have no problem admitting my character flaws or owning up to my mistakes – just ignore the red face. Despite all my flaws, and there are many, I like who I am and feel secure in where I am going with my life.
Having realized all that about myself, I am not afraid of midlife, nor of any crisis it may bring. My husband and I have faced our fair share of tragedy and difficulty, which has made us both stronger. My husband, though very intelligent, is simple by nature. He has a delightful sense of humor and is about as unpretentious as a man can be. He keeps me grounded when I start to falter.
The truth is that I have always been a ‘big picture’ person, so I seldom allow myself to get too mired in trivial details. Rather, I like to focus more on the end result. As Hugh O’Neil put it, “At midlife, it helps to start working on what you’ll leave behind.” He mentions that a good natured child is a great legacy. I would have to agree. Thus, I feel truly blessed, as both of my children are good-natured, compassionate and genuine. If that is all I leave behind, then I feel I have contributed significantly to making the world a better place.
So, to midlife I say “welcome.” I’ve been expecting you!
Reflections on a Simple Life
Although these days I live a simple life out of choice, there have been times when I lived it out of necessity. My husband and I have both created businesses that encompass only what we love to do, and, over the years, we have discovered that this type of lifestyle can, at times, make you poor.
It was during one of those times that we discovered our needs are small – tiny, even. When Ty and I were first married, we rented a teeny tiny run-down house in a teeny tiny run-down town, thirty or so miles from the town where we worked.
On Friday nights, we would walk down a gravel road to the video rental store, and we would pick out our movie of the week, which didn’t quite play right on our hand-me-down VCR. The picture would scroll endlessly, but the dialogue came through so it kept our attention, somehow, until the end. After listening to our movie, we would lie in the teeny tiny loft of our teeny tiny cabin, just inches from the ceiling and from each other, and listen to the pinging sound of the rain on our leaky metal roof.
My memories of those days and of that house are as fond as those that I reflect on from yesterday and from last week.
More than a decade later, we look back on all the phases of our lives – those when we lived simply and those when we were too busy, too ambitious – and we strive to strike the best balance so that we can model it to our kids.
In the meantime, we have worked to redefine abundance for ourselves, and, since then, it has become clear to me that we do ourselves a disservice when we think of prosperity and abundance only in monetary terms.
Not long ago, I read a piece of advice that asked me to identify what abundance looked like, smelled like, felt like, and tasted like. It’s a journaling exercise that can bring a lot of insight. I decided that, though no one will ever make a home décor spray from it, abundance smells like my Labrador after he’s been lying in the sun all day. He knows where to sprawl his limbs to extract the most enjoyment from an afternoon, so the sun can strike him just so. He doesn’t hurry off anywhere unless he’s chasing something just for the thrill of it. And he revels in the joy of work, whether it’s chasing sticks or breaking trail for our Nordic skis.
The times when I have felt the most abundance are those times in the early morning when I enjoy a quiet time to work in a silent home as my family sleeps; when I make the time to venture deep into the forest with my kids in the summertime, simply to sit cross-legged and eat raspberries; when my son grasps my finger with his whole entire hand and takes me for a walk, anywhere at all.
I think we’re best served when abundance is defined as that feeling of abundant goodwill, abundant love, and abundant peace. No rushing but a simple, peaceful procession from one moment of life to another.
No matter what your income, it’s infinitely inspiring to slow down and see if you can recognize true abundance and prosperity, not in six and seven figure incomes, but in the physical, mental, and spiritual experience of having plenty: plenty of time and plenty of peace of mind.
I pray that my kids will take pleasure in the simple life for the rest of their days. I pray that they will continue to appreciate tent camping vacations, home cooked meals with fresh vegetables from a local farm and all of the other small and simple splurges that punctuate our days. I pray that they will understand and enjoy the pleasure of lying in the sun for an afternoon as well as the feeling that comes only with hard work, well done.
7 Simple Ways to Live a Long and Healthy Life
Everyone wants to live a long and healthy life, and there are steps you can take to increase your chances of living a long life. Making healthy choices is the key ingredient to living a long and healthy life. To a large extent, we have control over how healthy our bodies remain throughout our lifetime. Here is a list of 7 simple ways to stay healthy and add years to your life.
- Breathe Fresh Air. Of course, this includes being a nonsmoker, but it is also important to get lots of fresh air outdoors. Many people spend their entire lives indoors, going from home to the car to the office, and back again. Getting fresh air outdoors is an important health benefit that is often overlooked. Try to spend at least a few minutes outdoors every day: take a walk or plan outdoor activities.
- Drink More Water. If you say you don’t like drinking plain water, then chances are you spend much of your life in a state of dehydration, and that is unhealthy. Try to drink between 6-8 glasses of water every day, besides coffee, tea, and soft drinks. Chances are that adding more water to your daily regimen will help you feel better and have more energy.
- Sleep Between 6-7 hours Every Night. Getting a good night’s sleep is essential to good health, but it is also important to get the right amount of sleep. Researchers have found that those who sleep more than 8 hours or less than 4 hours a night are not as healthy as those who sleep 6-7 hours a night.
- Eat Fruits and Vegetables. It is common in American society to eat an entire day’s worth of meals and consume very little fruits and vegetables. This bad habit has an adverse effect on your health. Meals eaten at home contain more fruits and vegetables than those consumed in restaurants. So try eating more meals at home, and when on the go try to take some fruit with you.
- Restrict Alcohol Consumption. If you drink alcohol, restrict it to one drink per day. Drinking more than 2 drinks daily has been shown to have an adverse effect on health. Some studies have shown that drinking red wine is beneficial, but you still should keep it to no more than one drink per day.
- Eat High Fiber Foods Daily. Diets that are high in fiber have been shown to help reduce high blood pressure, avoid high blood sugar, and help with elimination. High fiber foods include whole grain breads and pasta, fruits, beans and legumes.
- Exercise Daily. Researchers are finding that exercise plays a huge part in overall health. Those who exercise regularly have been found to be much more likely to lead healthier lives and live longer than those who do not exercise.
These are simple life changes you can start to work on now to make big changes in health as you get older. You don’t have to change everything at once. Try working on one item at a time and then once you have made it a habit, go on to another item. These simple life choices can pay big dividends over the years and add happy and healthy years to your life.